30 September 2023 To Reach the Bottom

Today, when I opened the fridge and found it empty, I began to complain, and my partner said, "We have no money to afford any food." I was about to have breakfast, some eggs, which appeared to be the only edible thing in our house, but my throat tightened, and I couldn't swallow. My mind kept echoing, "We have no money." I knew the situation was dire. I had recently returned from Argentina after a six-month stay, during which I had given all my savings to my partner. My bank account was now empty, and just three days after my return, I started sending out job applications. I had an interview lined up, but the interviewer was about to go on vacation, so I had to wait until her return. I guess I'm also feeling scared and hesitant about pushing harder to find something else. We had a massive argument, a colossal one, about money. My partner was irritated because I was in tears, and he kept repeating, "So, you're crying because your boyfriend is broke." No, that's not it. I was crying because I'm broke. It's the first time in my life, at almost 37 years old, that I can't afford food. I've hit rock bottom. Apparently, when you're at the bottom, the only way to go is up. I was born in Argentina to hardworking parents. We owned a house, but we also had a hefty mortgage that ultimately led to my parents' divorce when I was 14. My mom's favorite phrase was, "We're in wartime economics," while my dad always said, "God will provide." My dad was a risk-taker, and by the end of his life, he owned an apartment, a house, and a car. Every time he got divorced (he was married twice), he left it all behind, including his kids the first time. My mom saved diligently throughout her life for unexpected future expenses. She passed away still owning a house, an apartment, some rather worn-out furniture, and a stash of dollars tucked under the mattress. She often told us a story from her childhood when someone gifted her a box of expensive, shiny, and luxurious fibers that her parents couldn't afford. She cherished them so much that they remained untouched in the box, eventually drying out, never used. I've always heard people say that "money isn't the most important thing," but right now, it's everything I can think about. Money opens doors, and my mind struggles to focus on anything else. I can't even imagine what it's like to go without food for a couple of days. Today is Saturday, and I've shed many tears. A LOT. Now, I keep telling myself that I will get out of this situation. I've always been a saver and learned to spend money wisely. But this situation is new. At this point, the best I can do is try to learn from it. I have a plan: learn how to invest, invest, become financially secure. But first, I need an income, so my initial step is to find a job. Bank account: $0.00

Too old to run

On Friday 19th was my sister's birthday. She turned 30 and was a big thing, we spent weeks tidying up the house and organizing drinks and food and drugs. She invited some friends, we had some burgers that my brother cooked on the barbecue, an authentic Argentinian 'parrilla' using charcoal. The first year that none of my parents are alive for Sopi's birthday. That was harsh. So there are two main things that I want to remember of that day. First thing: talking with the family about sports and running, the conversation ended on how hard was to run a marathon which led to how impossible it was for people like us ( 'ordinary people' I guess). We talk a lot about iron man, sports and old bodies. Which just made me think a lot that I always want to see what I'm capable of. I know I can run a marathon. I will run a marathon in 2023. It's scary. Second thing: drugs. As it was, after dinner, going to be an ' electronic party' there were heaps of drugs. These were not any drug, not a porro (joint) but MDMA, ecstasy, what here is called rola or pasti. So I went to my cousin's house to sleep and when I came back at midday the next day, my sister was seated on the couch, with the heater on, sunglasses on, and her body was super tense and contracted. It was hard to open her fist that was holding a lighter as tight as it was the last one on planet Earth. So I realized that at this stage of my life drugs are not catching my attention, I love my brain too much. My body and my brain are the best tools I have. Both of them will take me wherever I want, but I have to take deep care of them. So that's it. I walso went today to my ex-boyfriend's house to collect my belongings but thats a story for another date.