Day 3

I fell asleep today and woke up at 7:30 a.m., so I didn’t have enough time to go to the gym and be at work by 9:00 a.m. I skipped my morning gym session, and to stay on track with my plan and complete all of my 75 Hard tasks, I went at 15:30. Best decision, terrible timing. I struggled with the combination of a new training plan and an overcrowded gym. I ended the workout early, on the verge of tears. I cried quite a lot when I got home—frustration and anger all mixed together. But then we went for a walk with Mike, and I calmed down. Phrases I need to repeat more often: — It doesn’t matter if I have it all perfect. I’m practicing, and that will always make me better. — It’s okay if I didn’t do it all today. Tomorrow is a new day.

Tricky offering

I'm enrolled to do the Berwick Experience. I can’t define it because I'm not entirely sure what it is. This is the website introduction: "With well-proven success over the past 30 years, Berwick Outdoor Experience supports participants to realise the potential that exists within them. Some 1150 participants from all walks of life have tested their limits and achieved personal goals beyond their imagination." It's the second try, as last year Mike and I were ready to go and it got cancelled because there weren’t enough participants. It costs $800 NZD, and you can be sponsored. My boss said he will sponsor me under the condition that I have to stay a whole year working for him or pay him back if leaving earlier. Just more of the same—this is how he rolls. Are we all like him on different levels? Because I did expect recognition for my hard work. He is convinced that I owe him, but I believe he owes me. Soon I will leave and won’t have to deal with this anymore. Anyway, I said no to his offer. I will apply for sponsorship from Twizel Promotions, and if I don’t get it, I will pay for it.

New training. Day 2.

I dragged myself to the gym because just anticipating that it was going to be something new made me not want to go. There’s a guy who goes at the same time as we do—he’s a beast at lifting. I compare myself and feel ashamed of my weights, but I remind myself that we’re all different. This is me challenging myself. He is a completely different human being. I did the first part, hating it. Then the Clean and Jerk came, and I skipped it because I couldn’t watch the videos and my stress levels were through the roof. I’ll do that at home—record myself, practice, talk to the coach. I came out of the gym frustrated, raging: “I hate this training.” Again: TRUST THE PROCESS. Exciting and challenging times.

Out of the comfort zone

I started a new training. I was slacking with the last one, as it felt more like exercising than training. There wasn’t a goal. I’ve set some goals with my new coach and started the new plan today. I sucked at it. It took me 1.5 hours, I couldn’t finish it, and I got frustrated. But I accept it. I’m out of my comfort zone. I’m trying something new, and my brain and body need to adapt to this new training. I will adapt and grow in the process. My mantra is “I trust the process” and Kassandra’s one: “I did my best today, and that’s enough.” I’m trying to stop punishing myself and start appreciating that I’m trying—and that’s how you evolve.